You’re not close enough.

I miss you.

I miss your touch.

I pretend I’m okay,

That this too shall pass,

That the feeling will go away

 I wait…

And wait…

But I can’t find the switch.

To turn my feelings off,

is my only wish.

That’s all we were

Never thought

We’d be more

Flirtations

Day in and day out

It was all fun and games

Everyone saw it

BUT ME

Until I gave in…

FIREWORKS

Act aloof

You don’t care

Try to convince everyone of it

In denial

Constant thoughts

Reliving it every night

Can’t let go

No one can know

Give in time and time again

Your actions betray your words

Hands are shaking,

Cold to the touch.

Your reassuring words

Softly stroke my skin.

Your concerned eyes

Warm my hands,

My heart,

My soul.

I can still remember that day as if it were yesterday.  It was a cold day in October and the year of my sixteenth autumn.  The cold wind blew the brightly colored leaves onto the hard pavement of the street below the restaurant where I worked on the weekends.  I had received a telephone call from the hospital at approximately one o’clock, while I was working at my part-time job.  A shiver of dread overcame my body.

“Is he alright?  Will he make it?”, where the only things I could say.  It was my father, he was sick.  He and Mother had been browsing at the local shopping mall, when he suddenly collapsed onto the floor.

“He may had to be operated on.” Mother told me with a calm tone in her voice.  “That is if the doctor decides he absolutely needs this operation.  But I will let you know if that is the doctor’s decision.”  She seemed compassionate about the situation.

“When will I be able to see him, Mother?” I asked, as my heart raced.

“I will call you when the doctor will allow you and your sister to visit.  Right now, he is in the Intensive Care unit.  Please don’t worry about him; he is in good hands.”  Her coldness was unbearable.  I wanted to see him now!  It was completely unfair that I had to wait.  I couldn’t believe that this was happening to him.  I didn’t want my father to die-I loved him too much for him to leave!

The next day, my sister Allison and I went to the hospital to see if his condition had improved.  Unfortunately, it hadn’t.  Mother seemed a bit distant and distracted, as usual.  I felt as thought I was helpless-as if someone you deeply cared about would be drowning and you wouldn’t be able to save them.  It was the eeriest feeling one could have.

Later on that week, we checked in on him regularly, asking the doctor medical questions which concerned my father, and most importantly, visiting him.  The only thing the doctors could tell us was that his condition was stable.  Out of all the medical staff, whom I thought were supposed to know a thing or two about their profession, no one could tell us what was wrong with my father.

The following week was very hectic for all of us.  None of us had an appetite or could sleep.  Then, when Saturday came along, I felt a bit relieved; for I was going to work at the restaurant down the street from where I lived.  Maybe, I thought, it will take my mind off of my father’s mysterious illness.  Unfortunately, it didn’t.  I found myself thinking about him all throughout my shift.

I was sitting by the telephone on my lunch break, when it rang.  The loud ringing startled me, as I was deep in thought.

The news of my father’s passing distraught and devastated me, for all those precious years with him I had taken for granted.  The feeling of emptiness filled my broken heart.  His life could never be forgotten, because he was a special person to me.  He was my father.

While you speak lies

Version B is not the same

As I thought it

Jekyll & Hyde

Who are you?

When I thought I knew you

life was better

sun shone brighter

heart beat faster

life was better

before it turned bitter…

Too good to be true

is that really you?

Grey is a mess

Afraid to be alone

Afraid to be coupled

Impatience, heart is pounding,

Temperature rising

I am waiting

Anxiety makes my stomach turn

Are you worth it?

Too soon to tell

Wasting my time?

Too late to realize…

Soul mates – you never know

I feel you deep within

and love your every move

I’m a candle and you’re my match

make me bright, hot and flicker

I want to make your world brighter.

Is it working yet?

I feel your hands all over

my body

You looked at me

with those blue eyes

Your sparkling blues

Hypnotize, mesmerize

Soft warmth

envelops me

mountains to climb

deep oceans to swim in

Sweet tasting candy

I want more

Kiss me, my sweet

and close your eyes,

your baby blues

to all my questions!

It gave me back my hope

and brought you back to me

again.